by Anand Mazgaonkar

Ms. Smriti Irani consulting her astrologer is her private matter. In fact most things she does might be private matters. Election victory does turn things into private property. Astrological advice is the wisest thing one can do. It is her sacrifice for the Nation. We all know she has very selflessly dedicated herself to the service of the nation.

It is not only an absolutely self-abnegating act on her part, she’s had the foresight to ensure that there will be no vacuum when Mr Pranab Mukherjee finishes his term. Shri Nathulal Vyas has put to rest a whole Nation’s anxiety and reassured us that there will be continuity after Mr Pranab Mukherjee. Our bull run of happy days, ‘Achhe Din’ continues endlessly. For the first time in our country’s history we have a President-in-waiting.

She is indeed the most eligible person we have for President. For long we’ve experienced a dearth of talent in Rashtrapati Bhavan. It’s been long since someone like Fakhruddin Ali Ahmed or Giani Zail Singh adorned that office.

Who better can we have as President than someone who’s ‘educated’ at Yale, has acted in soap operas, and has been flexible in ‘altering’ her opinions and positions. Remember she was distressed by the violence in Gujarat in 2002, and the then Chief Minister’s handling of the situation, until better wisdom dawned on her and she ‘adapted’ her opinion. Since then its been ‘Achche Din’ for her, never mind loss of elections. She generously wants to share her fortune with the country now.

Where the Nation’s Education is concerned, never mind an unclear, distorted, mis-stated, over-stated personal educational record, a future foretold by astrologers is what must guide us.

Becoming Minister immediately after losing elections is easy, especially if you’re not alone. Remember Mr Arun Jaitley also belongs to that chosen breed? Becoming President in case of an election defeat may need a Constitutional amendment. But, that is a small matter if an astrologer has ordained it.

Luckily, astrology must have been the guiding principle in the whole Cabinet formation. Mr Nitin Gadkari (Qualification: Purti fame), Mr Nihal Chand Meghwal (Qualification: Rape charge), Mr D V Sadanand Gowda (Qualification: Successful defence of son from rape charge) are shining examples where business dealings, criminal charges or their children’s actions added a feather in their caps.

In any case our electoral system does need reform. Even Mr Arvind Kejriwal has been calling for it. MPs, and MLAs deciding who will hold the country’s highest office is absolutely irrational. That should be entrusted to a Khap Panchayat consisting of astrologers, religious luminaries and Corporate honchos.

Today, India’s Education is in safe hands, tomorrow every aspect of India’s future, including ceremonial future will be in safe hands. Mrs. Irani’s formidable record as Human Resources Development Minister inspires tremendous confidence. As HRD Minister she’s has not executed blindly, unilaterally, the Sangh Parivar’s Education and Culture agenda, she seems to have consulted astrologers too.

Hopefully, our next Budget may be determined by Mr Nathulal Vyas’ (or someone from his profession) reading of Finance Minister Arun Jaitley’s palm. Actually, Mr Vyas reading Adani’s or Ambani’s palm might be even better. Fotunately that’s how SBI’s $ 1 billion loan to Adanis Australian coal mining project seems to have been cleared.

(Anand Mazgaonkar is with Paryavaran Suraksha Samiti, Gujarat and Adviser to National Alliance of People’s Movements (NAPM))