by Virag R Dhulia
I was sitting at the guest room of DD news with three feminists – a prominent feminist, a male feminist and one more woman. They lost the debate to me on camera so they were insulting me off camera. On camera too they tried same. I was wondering about this male feminist who was so much in support of women but was actually making fun of me, a Woman!I returned with moist eyes,this did not happen for the first time; I had similar experiences at different media channels.
Those who go to the media and represent men’s rights must have noticed that there is only one pro men person and others are feminists. Generally media chooses a weak pro men debater so that they can make fun of him/her. If there is some strong pro men debater they either do not allow him/her to speak or just mute the mike. Basically they do not want to talk pro men or about men’s rights,they invite us to add fun element to the show.
I had a tough time when a retired judge and a famous feminist started laughing on men’s issues. So we got the message that they do not want to propagate men’s rights, for them abuse of men is a laughable matter. If we analyze about media debates then it is like a bunch of people sitting and shouting at each other, it does not solve the problem. It increases frustration and unnecessarily wastes our energy which can be used in other important tasks.
We do not need the paid media to speak for us; we will speak for ourselves.At one news channel when the guest coordinator came to know that I am about to speak for men, she gave me a weird look and stopped interacting with me. On one such occasion they called me and they wanted me to say something on the famous so called rape case of the country. I politely refused to participate andwhen they asked me the reason, I said,”talk about men and I will surely come”, the phone was cut after this .
After a series of false rape cases, the feminist media became desperate to bring the feminist agenda on air. Also, after Arnesh Kumar judgement, 498a got diluted a lot so they thought of a new trick and the trick was, “Marital Rape“. I got the news that I will be getting call from a prominent channel for the topic.
The call was from a woman guest coordinator, she wanted some victims where husband was charged with marital rape and came out clean. Basically they wanted to showone man as a victim and then make fun of him with the popular tactics of media.
I asked the woman on phone, “lady what to do you mean by marital rape and there is no such law.”
She kind of explained to me, “madam marital rape means those husbands who force their wives for sex,”
I said, “But that never happens”.
She was getting desperate,”Madam, I need numbers of such men who have gone through the false allegations”.
I said, ”Alright I have many men in touch with me who are blamed of violence, dowry and sexual assault too”.
She said,”No, not dowry law victims I want victims of fake marital rape charges”.
I said,“What is the program about?”
She cut my question and asked, “Do you have numbers of victims?”
I said, “Yes I have but I will not give you as I know you will make fun of them and my boys have dignity.“
She was aghast and played the last card,”Actually madam we want to talk about male victims “,
I said, “Really, then make a program exclusively on men and I promise to bring men from different arenas.”
She lost it and said ”alright madam thanks.”
Then she called an activist at Hyderabad said same things to convince him to be a part of the discussion. Our activist asked similar questions what the program is all about?How many people are participating?Who all will be the part of panel?
She offered flight ticket to him but could not convince him. He said, “See, if you want to make a program on men, let it be men only, we will not jump inside the feminist agenda, so think before making such program. Men’s pleas cannot come in between the feminist propaganda. “
The reality came out as they wanted to talk about the Supreme Court ruling which refused to accept marital rape. Our activist blasted at them asking, “You are saying you want to talk about male victims, thenwhy don’t you discuss the skyrocketing suicide of husbands, or the woman who cut her husband’s genitals or the Dimapur, Agra,Rajasthan lynching of innocent men based on mere suspicion or the amity fake gang rape case which ruined the lives of 2 young men?You want us to talk about a subject which does not exist but you will not talk about the atrocities on men happening everyday“. The phone was disconnected after this.
Till the media learns to talk about men, it is important to give them a clear message that we are not jokers who will come entertain you and discuss every crap with you. If you think that abuse of men is a myth, then so be it. We have the power to tell the truth to the worldourselves.
Media is paid by some very powerful feminist agenda otherwise how someone can just offer flight ticket from Hyderabad to Delhi. If feminists are paying them, then what is the point in talking to them?
There are other ways of creating awareness and presenting ourselves. Time has come when media needs to talk on our terms and conditions not theirs. Our message has already reached and now those who are not taking us seriously are the people who do not want to accept reality. You wake up those who are sleeping not those who are just pretending to sleep.
Media showed its true colors when it started making fun of Indian cricket team when they lost the semifinals. This is how everyone judges a man – onefailure and he is no more significant!
How does one trust such media? Many people call me and say madam I want to highlight my case in media. It is an illusion that they are for common man and they fight for truth, they actually fight for their agenda and business. Every tear is money for them, they earn by tarnishing image of men, so why to be part of them? Let them have their circus alone with feminist, manginas and white knights; we will utilize our time to train people who want to give misandry a good fight.
Also, it is important to mention here that those media persons who genuinely spread the word of men’s rights have had their careers grow like anything. So, choice is with media.
Virag R Dhulia is the Head of Gender Studies at Confidare Research.